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All posts for the day August 29th, 2009

10 Questions You Must Ask a Gay Person

Published August 29, 2009 by Michael C Leeson

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There is nothing wrong with asking questions, this is the most common way we learn from others. An associate of mine Sora Ryu compiled the following list of common  types of questions asked by heterosexuals to non-heterosexuals. The response here reflect my views alone

When did you turn Gay?

I turned gay about the same age you turned heterosexual

  • We are born who we are there is no normal or deviant
  • Freud view was that, the majority of people are born bisexual and through socialisation forced to comply with the heterosexual norm then who does turn what.
  • We all go through a process its called adolescence, when we explore and start naming our self.
  • Sexual identity is fluid , some choose to name it and others do not
  • Sexual practices is only but one aspect of sexual identity

2 Were you born gay?

  • People are sexual beings form birth
  • Gay is a subjective social label like straight bi or asexual it describes a person’s sexual identity or sexual orientation identity .
  • Some argue that the great Nature V Nurture debate, the final score will always be a draw
  • I have family members who are gay bi. and straight

3 Should Gay People be accepted?

Why not would be my automatic reply?

  • Why reject people because of who they for some arbitrary reason think about what you may be missing?
  • At this time in history, we have fully realised the reality of social diversity, it happens in our everyday life and in continuing to deny this, we are only fooling ourselves
  • We are all different the only common bond is our humanity and in sharing this we become stronger healthier and more fulfilled.
  • For Christians show me in your teachings where Jesus showed hate towards another because of who they were

4 Were you abused as a child?

No

  • The inference being that sexual abuse is somehow a precursor to being Gay.
  • Another myth
  • Some children experience abuse as a child and they may or may not identify as being Gay later as adults.

5. Why are parents always the last to know that their kid is Gay?

Actually, my Mum knew before I did

  • Coming out is the Gay version of adolescence
  • It is an adjustment process that may take a life time
  • The first person you come out to is yourself, then a sibling or trusted friend, as your acceptance of self grows you come out to more people.
  • It comes down to confidence and overcoming the fear of rejection by the most important people in your life parents.
  • Then more often than not they already know
  • Parental love is unconditional

Parents often have their own fears around

  • Your welfare – we have a community – violence
  • You being some sort of social outcast – we have lovers, partners and even get married
  • Never being grandparents – IVF or surrogacy
  • Some become embarrass – what will the neighbours think  – like I am the only queen in town
  • What they really want is for you to be happy

Some parents reject their child because of his or her sexual identity

  • This is more about the parent’s issues than the child
  • Stereotypes get in the way here – around mythical gender roles – we are all individuals
  • Parents also reject their heterosexual child
  • Conflict with parent’s belief system – which love is more important

6. Do you think you will ever regret being gay?

No

Regret what being myself?

7 Were you ever attracted to the opposite sex?

Yes, then and now, sexy people are sexy people?

  • Do you mean would I have sex with some one of the opposite sex? No

8. Maybe you haven’t found the right person of the opposite sex yet?

  • This is more about Gay being a phase ie all I need is the right woman
  • I already have a Mum and wives for most heterosexuals seem to act as a proxy for their mum
  • I am queer, why would I be looking for a romantic relationship with a woman unless I was a Lesbian or bisexual?

9. How do you know you are gay if you have not had sex with anyone?

I think at my age I know about having sex with people

  • We have sex with people for many different reasons and it is more about personal need
  • Sexuality is fluid
  • Sometimes we experiment either same/same or opposites attract
  • The only rule here is play it safe or be careful

10. What is it like to be gay?

I am me loud, proud queer and here

  • We are people
  • We are your Mother, Father,  Son, Daughter, Brother, Sister, friend, neighbour associate
  • We are you
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